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A Crime of Fashion/Script
and Caitlin are shopping inside Albatross & Finch. Caitlin: "Jen, look at this halter. It's so cute! I have to try it on." Jen: "I thought you said we were just window-shopping." Caitlin: "We are! You see it in the window, and then you try it on. Okay, and you have to try this." hands Jen a shirt. Jen: strained "Cute." sighing "All right." Caitlin: "C'mon!" ---- two have moved to the changing rooms to try on their clothes. Jen: "You so don't need another top." Caitlin: "Oh, yes, I do. You know my favorite cropped tee? The one with the ruffled sleeves?" Jen: "Uh-huh?" Caitlin: "Ru-ined. I was closing the Big Squeeze last night, and had just met up with that hottie Ryan from Taj Mahome Video, when Tricia showed up, and accidentally-on-purpose spilled her milkshake all down my top!" Jen: "No way." exit their rooms. "She is so mean!" Caitlin: "I know, right?" looks down at herself. "I love this top." Jen: "Key-ute!" go back in. Caitlin: "So I go up to the washroom to get cleaned up, and when I come back, Tricia's taken off with Ryan!" Jen: "Shut up! I can't believe Ryan would even go for her!" exit again, clothed normally. Caitlin: "Maybe he just likes mean girls." Jen: her eyes "What ever. So, what about the top?" Caitlin: "It's perfect." looks at the price tag and groans. "Ooohhh..." Jen: "How much is it?" Caitlin: "Fifty bucks." Jen: "DAH! I am not letting you blow fifty bucks on a shred of fabric covered in shiny plastic bits." Caitlin: "They're glass beads! And look! It even comes with this cute little matching keychain!" Jen: skeptical "For that price, it should come with a matching skirt." Caitlin: "I know, I can't afford it. Can I at least take the little tag thingy? As a memory?" Jen: shocked "No!" Caitlin: "Why not?" Jen: "Let's see." whispering "Because it's stealing?" Caitlin: "It's just part of the price tag. It's free." Jen: "With the top." Caitlin: "Okay." Jen: "So what did you say to Tricia?" Caitlin: "Nothing. She's too selfish to care if she hurt someone's feelings anyway. So what's the point?" Jen: "I can't believe Gwen and Mandy are still friends with her." Caitlin: "I know. I'm just so glad I'm not. C'mon, let's grab some Cinnabuns." and Caitlin leave. Behind them, Tricia exits another changing room. Her eyes are narrowed and her face is flushed with anger. It appears that she heard every single word Caitlin said about her. ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''A Crime of Fashion' ---- ''gang, minus Jen, are gathered around the table. Nikki: "Okay, so what's the big news? Oh, lemme guess, you've got a new job." Jonesy: "Not just any job, the sweetest job in the mall. You're looking at the newest employee at the Soda Hop." Nikki: "What's so great about that? Other than the fact that the clones don't work there." squirt of lemon juice shoots up out of the lemon Caitlin is squeezing and hits her in the eye. Caitlin: "Ow!" her eye "I think working at the ice cream parlor sounds like fun." Jude: saucily "You know what they sell there." Wyatt: "Ice cream?" Jude: "Exactly." Jonesy: "That's not all there is, dudes. There's Amelie." Jude: "Is that a new flavor?" Jonesy: "Amelie the hot new exchange student." Wyatt: "You mean, Amelie the French chick?" Jonesy: "Yep." Jude: "Dude, she must be like the hottest girl in all of France!" Jonesy: "And I'm gonna score a date with her. Look! There she is!" walks by, followed by three men who are panting like dogs. Jude: "She's h-h-hot." Robbie: "Enh, I've seen better." blinks. For some reason, Robbie is by the table. Jen walks up. Jonesy: "What are you doing here?" Jen: "Unfortunately, he's with me. When is your dad getting back from his trip?" Jonesy: "Um–" looks down. His bagel sandwich has disappeared. "Hey, that was my breakfast!" Robbie: "Want it back? Nyeeaaahh!" shows off his mouth of masticated bagel sandwich. Jonesy: "Ugh! Gross! Doesn't matter, I'll be eating ice cream with Amelie very soon." gets up. Jen: "Hey. Not so fast. It's your turn to babysit, big brother." Jonesy: "I can't, I've got my first day on the job." Jen: "Well, I've had enough of him! Last night, he tied every pair of my underwear together and strung them up over the hydropole!" Caitlin: "AAAAH! MY TAMPONS!" has stuffed two of Caitlin's tampons up his nose, one per nostril. "Robbie, put those away right now!" snorts them into the blender and turns it on, showering Caitlin with lemon juice. He laughs. Caitlin: "Eww." picks up the lemon-soaked tampons. "Suddenly I am so glad I'm an only child." Jen: "He's a nightmare! And until your dad gets back from his trip, he's all yours." Nikki: "I'll take him." and Jen look at Nikki oddly. Jen: "You want to babysit?" Nikki: "No. But he'll drive the clones crazy." Jonesy: "Excellent!" Jen: up "Yes!" Wyatt: up "Bye Caitlin." Jonesy: "I'm gone." Jude: "Later." disperses. Caitlin: "Bye!" resumes juicing lemons. Another stream of juice hits her in the eye. "Ow! Darn it!" rubs her eyes. Tricia walks up to the lemonade stand. Tricia: "Caitlin!" squints, focuses, and gasps in surprise. Caitlin: "Tricia!" Tricia: "Hi. I just wanted to apologize for yesterday? I felt so bad about spilling that milkshake on you. I can be such a klutz!" Caitlin: confused "Okay." Tricia: "And then I took off with Ryan, and I had no idea you were into him until Gwen told me! You must have thought I was so mean." Caitlin: "Oh. No." shifty-eyed "I don't think you're mean." Tricia: "You know, we never do anything anymore. Let's go shopping together like we used to." Caitlin: "What about Gwen and Mandy?" Tricia: "They're just not as much fun to shop with. So you wanna go?" looks to the side nervously, trying to escape. Tricia shoves a card under her nose. Tricia: singsong "I've got a twenty-percent off card at Albatross & Finch!" Caitlin: sucked in "Are you kidding? I'd love to!" Tricia: "Thought you would. See you at noon. Bye!" walks away. Caitlin: "Bye!" ---- is a line out the door at the Soda Hop composed only of young men. Amelie is serving ice cream. The two men at the front of the line bend down as she scoops, trying to see down her shirt. Amelie: Jonesy "You dig down, turn your wrist, and vuelah! Ze perfect scoop." guys at the front of the line focus on Amelie's ample cleavage. Jonesy: "Amazing, Amelie! The passion you exude when you scoop–" Jude: "DUDE!" and Wyatt are cutting the line as they come in to see Jonesy. "'Scuse me! It's all right! We are with the ice cream scoopers!" make their way to the front. "Dig the hairnet, dude!" Jonesy: "Yeah, yeah." friends laugh. Wyatt: "How come Amelie doesn't have to wear one?" Jonesy: "Look at her. Would you make her wear a hairnet?" three look over at her and sigh lustfully. "So what'll it be?" Jude: at Jonesy's cone "Freeennncchhh Vvvvaaannniilllaa?" hands it over. Jonesy: whispering "But you've gotta eat and run. I'm trying for alone time with Amelie." Wyatt: at the long line "Good luck with that." Amelie: the next customer "Sorry that took so long. That flavah is really off the scoopah." ---- that day, all the men in the mall are wandering around with ice cream cones. Wyatt clutches his stomach. Wyatt: "That's it for me. I don't care how cute the French chick is, I can't eat any more." throws his cone away. "Later Jude." leaves. Jude: "Later dude." up "Huh?" the shop Jude is standing by, there is a mannequin in a tuxedo that looks like a more cleaned up version of him. Jude: "Whoa. Du-hoo-hoo-hooed." ---- later, Jude is standing in the display window next to his mannequin. Stuart Goldstein comes by and stops, looking at the identical dummies. At that moment, Jude picks his nose. Stuart screams and runs in the other direction, scared because a mannequin just came to life. Jude laughs. Jude: the mannequin "Good one." Jen: the other side of the glass "Jude? What are you doing?" Jude: "Check it out." moves into the pose the other mannequin has. Jen: "Whoa!" Jude: the pose "I know! Isn't it awesome?" ---- and Tricia walk past the Khaki Barn. Caitlin: "I'd forgotten how great you are to shop with, Tricia!" the Khaki Barn, Robbie is wreaking havoc. He runs around with pants on his head, chased by the employees, until the phone rings, and he dives behind the counter to answer it. Chrissy and Kirsten gasp. Robbie: "Hi. You've reached the Cracky Barn, where butt cracks are our speciality." farts into the phone. "Have a cracky day!" laughs and hangs up. Nikki joins him in his mirth. Nikki: laughing "The Cracky Barn!" and Kirsten roll their eyes, peeved at this display of immaturity. ---- fat, balding, nerdy man with glasses comes by the suit store carrying an ice cream cone. He sees the identical mannequins and moves a little closer. Suddenly, Jude throws himself against the glass. Penalty Box Customer: "Oh. AHHHHHHH!!!!" drops his ice cream and runs away. Jude laughs. ---- and Tricia walk through Albatross & Finch. Tricia: stopping "Oh my gosh. Can't you just smell the style? C'mon!" leads Caitlin over to a rack and pulls out the top Caitlin tried on earlier. "Caitlin, this top would be perfect on you." Caitlin: "I know. I love it. I tried it on this morning, but it's just way too expensive." around "These camis are on sale." Caitlin's head is turned, Tricia quickly makes sure nobody is looking and stuffs the top in Caitlin's bag. Caitlin: "So, do you want to try anything on?" Tricia: "No, I forgot I already have everything from here already. Wanna check out Huntington's?" Caitlin: "Okay!" and Caitlin head for the exit. When they get there, the alarms go off. Red-haired Greeter Goddess: "Hand over your bags, please." Caitlin: them over "Um, sure. Here you go." Tricia: "They probably forgot to take the tag off at the last store." pulls the purple halter top out of Caitlin's bag and gasps. Caitlin gasps. The rest of the store gasps. Tricia laughs lightly, then catches herself and fakes a surprised gasp. Jill: "You stole this top." Tricia: amazement "I can't believe you'd do something like that, Caitlin!" Caitlin: "I didn't! I-I don't know how it got there! I swear I–" whine as Ron arrives in his security cart. Ron: "I came as soon as I could. Received a call for a code one three four five dash niner. Where's the perp?" Greeter Goddesses and Tricia point at Caitlin. Caitlin: "But I'm not a perp! Honest!" thereafter, Caitlin is in mall jail. She cries as Ron shuts the door on her. ---- at the Soda Hop has slowed down. Jonesy: "So, we're finally alone." Amelie: nervous "Mmm-hmm." Jonesy: "So, you wanna go out with me?" Amelie: "How do I put this in English? No." Jonesy: "Huh?" the jail cell, Caitlin is bawling her eyes out. Jonesy: "Did you just say 'no'?" Amelie: "Yes." Jonesy: "Why? I'm like the most eligible guy in the mall!" Amelie: "I heard you ran through Grind Me, naked." Jonesy: insulted "That wasn't me!" remembering "Okay, it was, but I can explain." Caitlin: crying "It wasn't me! You've got the wrong girl! I'm a good girl! Ask anyone!" Jonesy: "I'm a good guy! Ask anyone!" thinking "Okay, maybe not anyone." Caitlin: "Please?" Ron: "No." Jonesy: "Please?" Amelie: "No." ---- that day, the gang has gathered at their usual table. Caitlin is still in tears. Caitlin: crying "I can't believe they accused me of shoplifting!" Jonesy: mirthful "Ha! Neither can we!" Caitlin: "It's not funny, Jonesy! It was awful. Ron wouldn't let me go until they took mugshots." remembers the mugshots. "And my parents had to bail me out!" Nikki: "That sucks! At least we all know you didn't do it. Right guys?" Jonesy: "Right." Wyatt: "Right on." Jude: "Right." table falls silent, one assent unspoken. Caitlin: "Jen?" Jen: "Right. I know you'd never do anything like that. I mean, I don't think you would." Caitlin: offended "What do you mean you don't think!" Jen: "Well, it was that halter you loved so much. And you were gonna take the keychain." Caitlin: "That was just the tag! I'd never steal a whole top!" Jen: "But then how'd it end up in your bag?" Caitlin: "I don't know!" sad "I just know I didn't take it." Jen: "I believe you. Whatever happens, we're here for you. All of us." Caitlin: "Thanks." Jen: up "I've gotta run. I promised my mom I'd help her pick out a gift." Jonesy: "Ha, loser. You always get stuck with the lame-o parental crap." Jen: "Hey, I got off easy. Courtney got stuck babysitting your rotten little brother tonight. Besides, sounds like you're the loser. I heard all about–" her eyelashes mockingly "–Amelie." Jonesy: "Yeah, she shot me down, but that doesn't mean she won't go out with me." Nikki: "Funny, I thought that's exactly what it meant." Jonesy: "I'll wear her down. No woman can resist the Jonesy charm forever." grins. Jude: "Hey, by the way, did you guys see? They made a mannequin of me in the window of Tarted-Up Formalwear!" Jen: "It's true! It's a dead ringer!" leaves. Jonesy: "Nice, dude. You know what they say about imitation." Jude: "No, what?" Jonesy: "I don't know, but it–it's something good." Jude: "Well, I definitely look hot in a tux. I think I'm gonna go stare at me." gets up and leaves. Wyatt: up "Later. Gotta bounce." leaves. Jonesy: "And I'm gonna go visit Amelie." leaves. Nikki: "Seeya." Caitlin: unhappy "Bye." sighs. Nikki: "Don't worry, Cait, we'll figure this out. We just need to walk through what happened." Caitlin: "Okay, so Tricia and I were at Albatross..." flashes back. "...and I–" Nikki: "Wait a minute. You were with Tricia?" flashback bursts, and she gasps. Caitlin: on "It was Tricia!" ---- and Caitlin are still sitting at the table a while later. By now, they've moved on to planning a way to prove that Caitlin is innocent and that Tricia framed her for shoplifting. Nikki: "Okay. If we're gonna prove your innocence, we need the Albatross & Finch security tape." Caitlin: "That's impossible. Ron said he won't pull the tape since I was caught red-handed. And, I've been banned from the store!" Nikki: "No sweat. I'll distract the staff while you grab the tape. It's not like they pay attention to the customers anyway, right?" Caitlin: "Right!" ---- are still lazy at the ice cream shop. Jonesy: "Wanna go out with me?" Amelie: "No." Jonesy: "Wanna go out with me?" Amelie: "No." Jonesy: "Wanna go out with me?" Amelie: yawning "No." Jonesy: "Wanna go out with me?" Amelie: sighing "Fine." Jonesy: "Wanna go–wait. Fine? You mean you will? Yes! I knew I'd break you down eventually!" sighs. ---- walks into Albatross & Finch. She lowers her head to a tiny microphone clipped to her shirt. Nikki: "Operation Big Bird is a go." Caitlin: "Great!" walks up to three Greeter Goddesses. Nikki: "Yeah, I just thought you should know that a way cooler store called, um, uh, Snobbyness has just opened down the hall." girls gasp and run to look. Nikki speaks into her mike. "You've got a good ten minutes." Caitlin: "Perfect!" while later, Caitlin still hasn't finished. Nikki: "Caitlin, what's taking so long?" Caitlin: "I can't find yesterday's tapes!" Nikki: "Well get out, you've gotta hur–" Greeter Goddess: "A''hem."'' Nikki: loudly "Hi!" Jill: "We looked, and there are no stores that are cooler than ours in this entire mall." Nikki: "Ha ha! Well, um, don't you feel better knowing that now?" peeks out from behind a stack of clothes. Nikki notices and changes position to distract the Goddesses. "Uh, yeah. So like I heard you just–" Jill: Caitlin "What is she doing here?" stops dead in her tracks. Caitlin: "Am I in Albatross & Finch? I so thought this was the Stereo Shack." later, Caitlin is back in jail. ---- is staring at his mannequin copy. Jude: "I look so hot." and another boy walk by. Stanley: derisive "Hey! You're the guy from the store window!" Jude: proud "Yes. Yes I am." Stanley: "What are you all proud about? You're dressed like a weirdo!" looks at the mannequin, then back at Stanley. Jude: "What are you talking about, little dudes?" points past Jude. Jude looks. In another store is another Jude mannequin–wearing a thong. Jude: "NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT A BANANA HAMMOCK!!!" ---- Jonesy, Caitlin, and Nikki are around the table. Jonesy: "I can't believe you got thrown in the slammer again." Caitlin: "I know! Thanks for bailing me out, guys. I just couldn't call my parents again." Nikki: "Sorry. I guess maybe that wasn't the best plan after all." Jonesy: "Duh. Hey, can we talk about something important for a sec? I've got a date with Amelie the French chick tonight, and it's got to be perfect." Nikki: "Finally harassed the poor girl into going out with you, huh?" Jen: "Just don't bring her back to the house! I've gotta study tonight." Jonesy: excited "The house! That's awesome! My dad's out of town, your mom will be out, perfect babe pad conditions." Jen: "Ugh! Jonesy, don't make me sick!" Jonesy: "I'll take Amelie out for a nice dinner, and then back to the love nest for dessert." Jen: "Ew!" gets up. "See you guys later." leaves. Nikki: "Bye." Caitlin "Okay, so how do we get our hands on that security tape?" Caitlin: "We're not going to, Nikki. I told you, I'm not allowed in that store. Ever!" Nikki: "How about when they're closed?" Caitlin: a beat "I don't like the sound of this." ---- Darth: "I don't like the sound of this." Caitlin, Jen, and Julie are in the Stereo Shack. Caitlin: "They've got a super high-tech security system." begging "Help me, Darth. You're my only hope!" Darth: "What's in it for me?" Caitlin: "The knowledge that you helped me?" Julie: "Darth, you should do it. When Han Solo showed up on Cloud City on TESB, Lando Calrissian helped him out." Darth: "Yes, but then Lando betrayed them by handing Leia and Chewbacca over to Lord Vader." Julie: "True, but ultimately Lando redeems himself by freeing them, saving Skywalker, and joining the Rebel Alliance." Darth: "You're right! I'll do it!" Caitlin: "Oh, thank you, Darth!" ---- is wrestling with his thong dummy when Ron walks by. Ron: monologuing "You think I don't see what goes on?" Salesgirl: over to Jude "Stop!" wrestle for the dummy. Ron: monologuing "Nothing gets past me! Nothing!" walks away from the scene. ---- and Amelie close up shop. Jonesy: "So, you almost ready to go?" Amelie: "Just have to run to the washroom." leaves, and Jonesy watches her walk. Courtney comes up to him, Robbie in tow. Jonesy: "Mmm-mm." his sister "Gah! What are you doing here?!?" Courtney: "My plans have changed, and so therefore have yours." Jonesy: "Whoa whoa whoa, I've got a date!" Courtney: "So do I. See you later." leaves Robbie with Jonesy and walks away. Amelie comes back. Amelie: interested "Ah! Who are you?" Robbie: "Robbie." Jonesy: "He's my brother. My stupid stepsister just dropped him off." Amelie: "So bring him along. Your brother seems cute." pats Robbie on the head and walks on. Jonesy smiles and then leans down, grabbing the front of Robbie's shirt. Jonesy: gritted teeth "Do not do anything. Do not say anything. Got it? I know where you live." finishes shutting the store doors, and Jonesy quickly pulls Robbie into a brotherly hug. ---- date is taking place at Super Terrific Happy Sushi. Jonesy: to Robbie "I can't believe you told Amelie we love sushi." pulls back his spoon and uses it to launch a piece of fish at a customer. Robbie: "Oops!" Stuart Goldstein: "Hey!" Jonesy: "Hey!" smacks his brother. Robbie: "Ow!" Jonesy: Amelie, nervously "Kids." ducks under the table. "Robbie!" Amelie "Could you excuse me for a moment?" goes under after Robbie. Through gritted teeth "Get up here right now, or there's an atomic wedgie in your near future." passes by the table, making eyes at Amelie. Robbie climbs out from under. Jonesy tries to come up as well, but bumps his head on the table. Amelie lifts the tablecloth and sees Jonesy in perfect position to look up her skirt. Amelie: "Jonesy!" Jonesy: "Uh-oh." Amelie: "You–you–" Robbie: "I think the word you're looking for is pervert." Amelie: "What's wrong with you!" Jonesy: his seat "Nothing!" turns away from him. Robbie picks his nose and lays a booger on his sundae. Jonesy: "Ew, gross!" Amelie: "Excuse-moi?" Jonesy: "No, not you!" Amelie: "I don't know what I'm doing here!" Robbie: "You're here 'cause Jonesy's in love with you!" Jonesy: scared "I didn't say that, I never said that." Robbie: "Yes you did! You said she's the hottest girl you've ever seen, including in the movies." smiles at Jonesy coquettishly. Jonesy returns the smile, and Amelie faces him again. Amelie: "Okay. I'll stay." takes a spoonful of ice cream and attempts to feed Jonesy. Jonesy shies away, as this spoonful has Robbie's snot on it. Jonesy: "Aah! Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm. I don't like ice cream." Amelie: "Really? You ate a lot of it at the shop." no other way, Jonesy eats the ice cream. He gags, but manages to hold it down. ---- hacks into the security system at Albatross and Finch and opens the doors so that Caitlin can get in. Darth: "Okay. I've temporarily bypassed the security system. You've got T-minus two minutes and counting." Caitlin: "Got it!" darts into the store. Amelie, Robbie, and Jonesy pass by. Robbie: "I can't believe you fell for that!" Jonesy: growling "I thought you were Amelie!" laughs, makes a kissy face, and laughs harder. Jonesy: "That's it, you're going for a swim!" picks up Robbie. Robbie: "No! Put me down! I'm sorry!" Jonesy: "If you drown, not my fault!" Robbie: "Let go! Help!" Amelie: "No! Monsieur! Help!" runs to Ron. Ron: "What seems to be the problem, ma'am?" Amelie: "I think Jonesy might kill his brother!" Ron: "We've got a code one three seven eight nine four in progress." beeping catches Ron's attention, and he heads for the source of the noise. Caitlin: a cassette "Hurry! Hurry, Darth!" is typing in a code to shut the doors. Ron: "Ahem!" gasps and leaps up. "I'll take that, maggot." leaps up, brandishing his lightsaber as Caitlin hangs her head. Ron looks at him, unimpressed. A short while later Darth, Caitlin, and Jonesy are in mall jail. ---- gang are at the table, with one noticeably missing member. Wyatt: "I can't believe you both got thrown in the slammer!" Caitlin: "Well, at least Ron finally watched the security tape." Jen: "Caitlin, I am so sorry I ever doubted you. Even for a second." Caitlin: "It's okay, Jen. It all worked out." drives by, sirens blaring. "Though it might not for Tricia." Jen: "Wanna watch?" ---- leads the five teens into the Khaki Barn. He lays his hand on Tricia's arm. Ron: "You'd better come with me, punk." Tricia: offended "Excuse me?" Ron: "You're under arrest. For infraction of code seven six seven eight one three six five two one." Tricia: scared "What?" Caitlin: "For framing me." Ron: "We caught your little crime of fashion on tape. You should be ashamed of yourself, young lady." Tricia: Ron drags her out "Wait! This is a mistake! I'll have your badge, rent-a-copper! I want my lawyer!" Darth: by with Julie "Order has been restored to the mall." Robbie: "Hey Jonesy, I found your friend!" is standing by a tarp-covered figure on a skateboard. He rips the tarp off and pushes the figure forward. It is Jude in a thong. Jonesy: "Jude! You're wearing a nut-hugger!" laughs. Jude runs in. Jude: "That is not funny, little dude! I don't want everyone seeing my kiwis!" Jonesy: Robbie "Nice, dude. Maybe you've got potential as a little brother yet." Jude: the skateboarding mannequin "Hey, Jude, get back here!" ---- gang are gathered around the table. Caitlin has some bags from a recent shopping trip. Caitlin: "So get this. Albatross & Finch cleared my name and threw in a gift certificate! For fifty bucks! So I got my halter!" holds it up. Jen: "Ooh!" Caitlin: "And Tricia got a hundred hours community service." chuckles. Jude: "Nice." Wyatt: "Sweet." Jonesy: bitter "All I got was dumped and fired." Jude: "And dude, look who got your girl!" and Robbie are walking along, eating ice cream. Amelie: Robbie "You are such a sweet little boy." Jonesy: "Why you little brat, get back here!" chases after Robbie. Amelie at first thinks this strange, but accepts this, just as she accepts the still rolling thong-Jude mannequin. Category:Season 2